‘Seventh Son’ is boring. This is the impression likely to strike you 20 minutes into the film when you realise that you know exactly where this is going, because, well, you’ve seen it all before. And then you stop and think, “Huh. Interesting.” You’re not hating on the film because it’s stupid, had terrible CGI, unappealing actors, ridiculous characters, bad designs, shoddy dialogue or a lack of promised action. In fact, it’s the opposite - you’re just bored. ‘Seventh Son’ straddles the lines between good, bad and so-bad-that-its-good, never quite committing to either while sitting in limbo, a boring limbo... with Oscar winners and that guy from ‘Game of Thrones’.
Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges) is the last of an ancient group of men, the seventh sons of seventh sons, called Spooks. They’re entrusted with controlling the dark world and protecting the people from its members that mean them harm. The worst offender is Mother Malkin (Julianna Moore), the Queen of the dark who is out to destroy the world. After offing Gregory’s latest apprentice, he goes in search of another and finds Tom (Ben Barnes). Gregory has just one week to train him before the big showdown, but things get complicated when Tom finds himself falling in love with the enemy, a witch called Alice (Alicia Vikander).
With an array of impressive visuals, CGI-heavy scenes and action sequences - as is only acceptable in such a fantasy genre film - it doesn’t quite make up for the movie's predictability, absence of character development and a real lack of conflict. Whenever a call to arms arises, it's taken with no questions asked. That’s boring! When someone suddenly discovers that shape-shifters, ghouls, goblins, ghosts and witches with wicked grudges against you exist, you’re supposed to at least bat and eyelid.
Jeff Bridges does his finest impression of an old man with a mean underbite who forgot to put his teeth in that morning, while Barnes just casually strolls through each scene. Even newly-crowned Best Actress Julianne Moore doesn’t quite sink her teeth in to relish this devilish role.
While ‘Seventh Son’ is kinda cool to look at, you can do so much better in so many different places.